They came to cart our couches away today. One month after declaring them a fire hazard.
Our Very Nice Custodian: We’re here for the couch.
Kids: No!!!
Me: Now guys. You know it has to go…
Kids: Why?
Me: It’s veryveryvery dangerous.
Kids: Why?
Me: Don’t you know, couches have a disease. It’s called random spontaneous combustion. Can you repeat that?
Kids: Random. Spon. Who-ha?
Luke: Random spontaneous combustion.
Me: Does anyone know what that means?
Kids: Who what?
Luke: It means when something combusts for no reason.
Me: Excellent, Luke. Class, repeat after me, ran-dom spon-ta-ne-ous com-bus-tion.
Kids: Random spontus coostum.
Luke: Random spontaneous combustion.
Me: Excellent. We’ll keep working on that.
Our Very Nice Custodian: Um. Mizz B?
Me: Sorry!
Randy: But Mizz B, why do they have to take the couch away.
Me: Excellent question, Randy. Because couches are very dangerous.
Kids: What? Who-ha!
Me: Veryveryvery dangerous.
19 bodies collectively back away from the couch.
Me: Raise your hand if you have a couch in your apartment.
19 hands shoot up.
Me: Raise your hand you snuggle up on your couch and read books with your mom–
A smattering of hands.
Me: –or watch tv with your dad?
Alert, eager hands.
Me: Excellent. Now raise your hands if your couch has ever caught fire while you were reading or watching tv or snuggling.
19 hands yank down.
Me: Exactly. You know how I explain that grown-ups can sometimes be silly?
Kids: Yes?
Me: This is a veryveryvery silly silliness. Some grownups who work in a faraway and very expensive skyscraper downtown with nothing else to do but make silly rules think that couches are veryveryvery dangerous. But we know better, right?
A chorus of rights. Even from Luke.
Randy: But Mizz B.
Me: Yes, Randy?
Randy: Our couch at home is right next to the heater and when we turn the heater on for a long time, the couch gets hot.
Me: And has it ever caught fire?
Randy: N-n-no.
Me: Good. Then I don’t think you need to worry about it. Of if you feel better, ask your mom to move it. But don’t tell her to throw it away!
Our Very Nice Custodian: Now can I take the couch?
on Jun 11th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Yikes ! who knew that couches we so dangerous ! thank God the people downtown are watching out for our kids !!